I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
