Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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