I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize
