If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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