My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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