I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
