please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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