I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Randomize
