i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
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