where does the pee come out of this thing
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
