I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
