i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
