JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
