I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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