Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
