Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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