Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
