I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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