Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Randomize
