i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
