no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
He? As in you personified your dick?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
