Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
