i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
