I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
