she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
