what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
