I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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