oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
