Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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