dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
