the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
