bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
