I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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