dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
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