WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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