I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Randomize
