Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
