did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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