I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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