Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
