i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
