dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Is it penis luge time yet?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
