She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I wear drunk well.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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