gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
