I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
