Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
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