How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...