I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Randomize
