did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
