OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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