She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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