Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
