I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
