Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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