Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
