I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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