someone threw a dead crab at me
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
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