This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
We have so much sex to catch up on
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
