What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
