Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
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