And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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