I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
